mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
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you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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