did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you had me at cake vodka
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
