Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
