no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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