True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
