Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize