Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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