As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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