oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You don't make any sense
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