it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
