I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize