Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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