i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize