She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
