I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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