Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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