You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
