The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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