He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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