Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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