There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
