Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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