we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
