I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
