College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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