i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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