I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
