Banned from zoo.
Again?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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