There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
