now i know why i became what i already was.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
