I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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