Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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