Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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