We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
