Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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