There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We are all done wearing pants today
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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