On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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