I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
