u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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