U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize