A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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