thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
