So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
