she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
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Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
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I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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