Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
