remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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