i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
