i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
