Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
