Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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