she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
