I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
