PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
