meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
