these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
