I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So vagazzling was a success
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
