There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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