I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Floor bacon is actually really good
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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