there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
