apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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