just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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