im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
