you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
