I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
