youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
