Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
