Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
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Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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