I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
