we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You are the jesus of drinking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
