Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
