I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
