I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
